Warmest greetings from sunny Somerset West

It is a great joy for me to write to you, from a warm and balmy hilltop view over False-bay, a warm heart, and a warming climate for all! This year has been especially challenging and exciting in so many ways, I think, for many of us. The rate of change that is required is increasing, together with the challenges that comes with it; and we are in unprecedented, well, everything!

I’ve never seen, in my life, all the people in my life, face so much change as I have witnessed and myself also experienced in this year. And we are here, at the Finisterrean edge of the western sea, ready to cross into the waves, leaving behind our boots, backpacks and pebbles.

Our rituals of unpacking vary: from annys beskuit, to braais, carrols to decking the halls, evading in-laws to family feasts and god-knows-what-else – but the edge waits for no one.

My husband and I often remark on the stark contrast in adults at the start of the season, into the middle and then the end. An awakening emerges in three stages about what seems to be a collective amnesia, a remembering and a disavowal with renewed hope that it will be different next time, or promises of “never again” to be broken 10 months later. We note excitement and anticipation from October to end the year and vacate offices, work-minds, and daily routines as they enter into R&R, branne & braais and SPF variations. In the middle of the season, irritation, stormy moods, dull-faced-endurance, conflict and what seems to be a kind of existential exhaustion descends on people. You see it at the traffic lights, you feel it in the malls. Towards the end of the season, a despair and endurance of a different kind clicks into place. It shakes my foundation every year!

How can we enter a new year in this way?!

So many conversations in shopping malls, and new year’s parties, and first day back at the office catch-ups reflect the difficulty of spending time with family and friends over this time. Yet the hope remains for things to be different every year, and equally, every year, the rituals that make for misery or tension play out without change. Instead of dread, avoidance, conflict, withdrawal and other coping mechanisms so many talk about, what if we saw just one minor and meaningful engagement change in everyone’s best interest? So, if there is one thing I wish for everyone, it is a focus on how to BE in a different way with one another this time around. That we can find rest and renewal through connection with those we love – rather than what seems to drain and exhaust.

Accountability and difficult conversations over the Festive season

I’ve had the privilege of focusing on these two topics in the last 6 months. It came up in a system  I’ve been working in, it came up substantially in my Transactional Analysis 101 certification, and in various other conversations and relationships; but most especially in my own life. Sometimes, over the festive season, we get to spend time with people we do not usually or otherwise choose to. Other times the people we get to spend time with hold us to a way of being and a relationship agreement that we have come to out grow and want to change; and yet other times, we have not acted on the boundaries we should have set years ago leading to strain, awkwardness, resentment, or other coping behaviours.

My wish for all of us is to have a festive season free from these agitating passions or moral conflicts.

In the work around Accountability and Difficult conversations, we learned that these two aspects of relationships are actually intended to, and often manage to strengthen relationships rather than harm them. Many of us avoid these aspects of relationships because we believe them to always equate to conflict and ugliness. They do not have to. Most of the time, if we are prepared, and if we keep a few simple (but not easy) things in mind, they help to strengthen and heal the relationships we cherish.

Here are a few key things to consider.

  1. Be prepared and clear about what it is you need to talk about, have change, and why this is valuable to the relationship.
  2. Talk from your own experience, use “I” language and speak to specifics and the impact it has on you.
  3. Take the time to talk about this before the “tekkie hits the road”. It’s never a good idea to be in the thick of a situation and then want to change how you or others show up. Don’t startle people with surprises!
  4. Remember, these aspects of a relationship are there to serve the relationship. It’s neither about you, nor them – but the relationship. Focus on what the relationship needs, and what will reinforce its foundations.
  5. You cannot keep people accountable for something they did not commit to. Ask them what they understand about your request, and how they think they might show up to it. Don’t tell them how to be or what to do.
  6. Let go of being right, and put the challenge in front of you both, not between you, or pushed to them. When you stand shoulder-to-shoulder, new possibilities emerge.
  7. Accept that it might take time, or it might not change at all. Let go of any rules you are trying to enforce that you cannot force anyone to adhere to. These tend to rile us up and play the Victim or Persecutor – a recipe for drama.
  8. If things get hot, take a break, ask for what you need, and set a time to reconvene. Remember that all conflict is underpinned by things we do not agree on that we want to be heard or understood on AND things we share in common. See if you can acknowledge what wants to be acknowledged and find a way to highlight what is common ground.

When you feel difficult emotions, check with yourself whether this emotion is helping me to address something in the present and leads to a constructive way forward. If it lasts for more than 10 minutes and is dwelling on the past, then it is likely a learned pattern. Stay with it, and check what you need in order to acknowledge its purpose and presence, get new insight into what is wanting to emerge, and choose how you would like to feel instead. It also helps to have a support-partner you can talk this through with in a pinch, and maybe a glass of champagne just because 😊

What 2022 brought

In systems work, we learn that we need to acknowledge what brought us here. Beyond any other, I want to acknowledge my husband and best friend! Your patience and support over the last 2 years, while I was transitioning through some complex learning and life decisions has been not only a rock and anchor, but a true lived experience of what Love and Relationship means. I cannot thank you enough! This year we celebrated our 13th anniversary and I learn about how to be loved and how to love others every day! I could not ask for a better life-journey!

A special thank you to my friend and mentor Antoinette, for the phenomenal journey we have started this year. Finding connection in so many important parts of life, and finding purpose that ignites a shared passion in a way that excites, expands, consolidates, deepens and inspires is truly special. Thank you for everything you’ve enabled in me and in others this year. Jou oeslande is vol geplant en jou oes-seison se skuur deure is wagtend vol met rykdomme!

For everyone who studied with me, helped facilitate my learning, and my friends who kept inviting me in vain, thank you for your support, patience, feedback, challenge, contributions and love! I cannot calculate the value that your journeys have brought to my life! My class mates and lecturers and mentor coaches at SACAP; to Alex, Marguerite, Klaus and Refiloe, Michael, Antoinette, the coaching circle from U-lab, Nilesh – to name a few, thank you!

The last 6 months, after leaving my previous employer, has been a time to find my feet, build my practice, and orient my compass towards the direction I am called to. I don’t know exactly where this is going, but I know what is coming next. Well, at least I think I do.

Being grateful for the time at my previous employer is emerging in new and surprising ways. The most valuable of which will always remain the people, and with time and distance, I have learned about my blind spots and wisdom about what I could not make sense of while I was there, has started to crystalise.

Thank you for all the systems, organisations and people who have contributed to the 2022 journey. In the last 6 months I have:

In all of this achievement, I’ve learned that what I was really looking for was answers that can be found with others, while working together, and from those who have gone there before me. The biggest learning for me this year, was putting away my drive to achieve and choose to be with others in relationship, and learn how to be in relationship without controlling or adapting.

In U-lab, I met with 6 other people around the world, every 2 weeks, for the last 4 months in a coaching circle. Here we applied the Theory U curve in a coaching clinic in what I can only describe as a phenomenal interdependent, interconnected, almost magically quantum manifestation of intuition, deep wisdom, sensing and knowing between 7 strangers. I found this in ORSC Intelligence when we practiced deep democracy, in the SACAP module with Dr Sunny Stout Rostron on various coaching models, and many many years ago when people opened their hearts in service of one another and a Higher Power. I’m realising that much of my transformation and work ahead, is in this domain. Letting go of the existing patterns, and listening to what needs to and wants to emerge in the future.

I also need to emphasise the value that coaching supervision has brought not only to my practice, but my life and personal development. Thank you for the work we have done this year. It really is true that what we face in our lives is a mirror image of what is within. I am so grateful for the work that coaching has brought to my life in the form of supervision and for the way in which you’ve worked with me this year!

To the organisation I’ve had the privilege of working with this year, from the internship at SACAP, until now; thank you for the journey you’ve entrusted to our relationship and for each and every one of you that showed up with openness, courage, nerves, anticipation, resistance, aha moments, challenges and a desire to grow. I am SO excited about what has emerged and what continues to grow and thank you for what you have taught each other and myself throughout this journey!

GERMINATE Coaching Model Cycle

What 2023 might hold

2023 will no doubt see more learning and the completion of what was started in 2021. The intension however is to deepen connection with others in ways that meaningfully make a difference in the world, systemically. While learning along the way about different ways of feeling, sensing, thinking, seeing, doing and being.

GERMINATE Coaching Model, EmbodyAgile & WillResonate

I have set out a plan to work towards enabling ICF accredited coach training based on the coaching model that emerged in the SACAP Post Grad. This model equally applies to Agile Coaching, Leadership development, Organisational Transitions and personal development and I learn from it EVERY DAY! This model will start to take written form next year, and perhaps even a series of pilot workshops, webinars or online modules to prototype the various aspects mentioned above.

My fascination with mindfulness and meditation keeps on growing and so, WillResonate is emerging with tools, workshops and practices to support coaches, individuals, leaders and change agents with mindfulness based approaches that also include sound. Here will be prototyping as well, so keep an eye out for some invitations to random events.

EmbodyAgile is brewing  – as it has been for the last 2 years – probably as I am learning to embody inner agility. The phenomenal work of the Center for Inner Agility, the Team Catapult Cohort, Structural Dynamics, TA, Theory U, Integral Life and the work of several other systemic thought leaders find root in this evolving practice. I find that there is deep passion in supporting the development of Agile Coaches, Change agents and Leaders. The vision I had 2-3 years ago was related to how leaders and change makers ARE in the midst of complexity and change. So much is focused on this out there at the moment and I am first of all a student. There is something in the GERMINATE model that has emerged in this domain that I will continue to work with in 2023 as I continue to develop my own inner sense-making capacity.

Thinkific Online learning modules:

This year, as part of group coaching that I’ve done in a very special system I’ve had the honor of serving, several themes have emerged which ended in the creation of content, tools and approaches to bring into group coaching. Next year will see more of this emerge around topics I’ve led workshops on before and presented on before, as well as new topics and approaches. So far these have materialised:

  • An orientation to your coaching journey
  • Systemic accountability: an introduction for leaders,
  • Accountability for teams
  • Leaders contracting outcomes with individuals for their coaching journeys
  • Difficult conversations,
  • Leading with Integrity

What will emerge soon:

  • Making sense of change
  • Giving and receiving feedback
  • Effective communication
  • Self measurement and reflection
  • Boundaries
  • Open, growth and future mindset

I will also be giving workshops on Structural Dynamics again, for free, to continue practicing and deepening how I represent the framework to others. The plan was to do at least one more before the end of 2022, but the plan has changed to early 2023.

A Gift from Europe

In the coaching circle at U-lab, one of the coaches posted a new opportunity to offer Business Coaching in an organisation that serves other organisations across the world. In listening to what wanted to emerge in the future, he felt led to share this in what he called: “I am learning to do gifting” and this landed in fertile soil for some of us in the circle looking for new opportunities. So, with great excitement, gratitude and acknowledgement, from 2023 I will have the privilege of being a business coach, working with middle and senior leaders from across the world in one-on-one conversations.

How can I serve and support you?

There are several opportunities available next year. I need your help with some things, and in others, I just want to bring the value to the world in a way that serves a purpose. But in all, I hope to bring value to those in my life, and those with whom my path is yet to meet.

I am actively asking for opportunities with the following:

I will make these available next year

  • Free training or webinars on various topics
  • Pilot group coaching programs
  • Pilot GERMINATE Coach training workshops
  • Pilot Sound-based mindfulness workshops

In closing, I wish you a deeply meaningful and connected festive season and a time of rest and restoration. May the new year unfold for you with ease and the support you need to step into the highest possibilities that your life is stepping into. May these possibilities serve the systems you are in, and the world in need of significant transition!