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Why Coaching?
My Journey Towards a
New Way of Being:
a Coaching way of being
The early years
How did Coaching become a part of my life? How did I realize that coaching best fits my purpose? To answer that I have to tell a story. This starts with an exceptional person. I was privileged to have a mentor for 16 years since the age of 6 – Lizette van Dyk.
She did ground-breaking work at the time bringing together the spiritual, neuroscientific and health and wellness factors of being. Much of what Theory U at MITx and U-lab have been doing in the last decade by Otto Scharmer, was pioneered by her since the 90s. Her team extensively researched the etymology of purpose and other key concepts in several languages. She taught us, as children, how to become quiet, to go inward, to ask from God for wisdom. We were coached on how to work with the wisdom that comes from an Open Mind, Open Heart and Open Will. Every Friday for a year and thereafter in various workshops with children and adults alike for the remainder of her life, she would create a space for us to come together, and under her attentive facilitation, we would go to work.
What is my purpose? Why was I created? What are the highest possibilities for my life? If an image of me was kept in mind when I was created, what would that be? If words were spoken when I was ‘thought’ into being, what were they? How have I been made clever? If I were to ask what types of shoes symbolize my journey on earth, what would they be, and what does this all mean?
As you hopefully know, there is nothing like the wisdom of children! The work we did there lay the foundations of my whole life. I knew since a very young age that the phrase for my calling, in Afrikaans, rings as: “Die raadsman wat oorwinning bring!”
Translated: “The advisor that brings about victory.” I always knew that ‘advisor’ isn’t quite the right word, and Lizette agreed, while telling me to be patient: “It will come to you, in time, when you’re ready”, she used to say.
In Afrikaans, the concept of coach translates to ‘trainer’ (afrigter). Our culture is very sports-oriented and so coaching is connotated with being a sports coach. This didn’t sit right with me. When someone suggested in my early teens, that I look at coaching, I resisted the concept. But, somehow I always came alive when people came to speak to me about what they are facing. Sometimes, within a few minutes of connecting with someone, they open up their lives and hearts as if we knew each other for years.
With Lizette, we learned that each of us has a unique ‘something’ – a purpose (promise of content, name, Davar) we are useful for. A chair is useful for sitting, not climbing, or cleaning teeth. So, just like people go to an apple tree for apples (and not oranges), people come to us for the ‘something’ we give. And this something gives us energy, clarity, purpose, flow and fires up all our 11 brain faculties (supported by the work of Dr. Andre Vermeulen from Neurolink, with whom she worked actively back then).
Finistere
into the western sea, and the moon rising behind you
as you stood where ground turned to ocean: no way
to your future now but the way your shadow could take,
walking before you across water, going where shadows go,
no way to make sense of a world that wouldn’t let you pass
except to call an end to the way you had come,
to take out each frayed letter you had brought
and light their illumined corners; and to read
them as they drifted on the late western light;
to empty your bags; to sort this and to leave that;
to promise what you needed to promise all along,
and to abandon the shoes that brought you here
right at the water’s edge, not because you had given up
but because now, you would find a different way to tread,
and because, through it all, part of you would still walk on,
no matter how, over the waves.
In later years, I deduced from this that apple trees do not run around throwing fruit at people, and they do not always have fruit. Purpose work makes us stand in our truth. It is when we become fully alive. When we connect our purpose to our skills, faculties, experience, knowledge and get into flow, that is when we live in excellence of being.
Similarly, we go through processes and periods where we are in the rhythms we need, which allows us to bear fruit when it’s time. This fascinated me.
My ‘apples’ were the ability to hold space, listen, go deeper, and facilitate people finding a way forward, or learning what they needed to in order to bring hope and change in their lives. Lizette once challenged us, years later, to ask what we leave behind when we have done our work. I became quiet, listened attentively, patiently – and it dropped clearly, like a symphony in a hall: “Hope and change through challenge and relationship.”
The doing-ness while searching for purpose
My journey took a long turn. Having made a living playing professional violin in orchestras up until my early twenties, performing in quartets and booked gigs and teaching violin, I learned about harmony, people working together, and the learning process. While studying Visual communication at the University of Pretoria, and trying to make sense of what opportunities I can take forward into a career, I didn’t see how any of this wisdom came together, then.
Will, as a violinist, before the switch to Business Analysis and eventually coaching
But, I learned about cultural construction, world history, communication tools, and philosophy. None of this immediately fit into the wisdom of my childhood. It related to my purpose, somehow, but yet, it didn’t. So, I put it on the shelf and focused on what my hands had to keep me busy with. Soon after completing my studies, I found opportunities to consult in website design and branding. This lead to learning that when people re-brand, especially, there are usually business problems that accompany them. This lead to learning that I have a gift for process and problem-solving.
After some negotiation, and a few miracles by way of financing and admission, I got into a post-grad in Business Analysis, and landed my first full-time employment opportunity at Pattern Matched Technologies. I had to be a quick study because this dynamic organization had its hands in several disciplines. From Banking, Voucher Distribution, Financial Switching, Wallet technology, Retail POS integration, USSD, Mobile Network Services, to bespoke tech development for a wide range of clients.
At the time, I had no clue what an API was, or ever heard of ISO-8583. It was a magical time! Learning so much, and being part of such a dynamic team, working with such diverse clients! I soon got myself involved in process design and ISO 9001, realizing that shared understanding among people creates powerful results. Three years later, the MD called me in and said that they can’t give me more opportunities to grow and that they fear I will stagnate if I don’t find a new challenge. They supported my referral to one of the banks.
And so, my journey started in banking. Starting in e-channels, I worked myself into the technical analysis of systems integrations and middleware. Soon I became a team leader of a technical team. Here I discovered the world of Agile, team dynamics, and leadership in ways that made me come alive. When working with individuals and teams in continuous improvement, and overcoming challenges, I noticed that I had more flow, and more energy than when I started.
Ending a journey, starting a new one
I worked towards my Trinity LTCL licentiate, being prepared with a repertoire more than what was needed, with just a few weeks to go before I attained this life-long milestone. Ysaye sonata 2, Havanaise by Saint-Sains, Brahms Sonata for violin and piano no3, and Fratres by Avo Part. Having lined up some home-concerts and public master-classes at the Conserve at Stellenbosch University with my pianist in toe – I was set to go. Everything was meticulously planned for me to do the licentiate and then immediately transition my focused efforts into my post-grad in Coaching that has been planned for 2 years.
Then COVID hit.
All examinations were suspended until further notice. And so the gap closed in which I could do the licentiate, and transition my focus into my post-grad in coaching. I was distraught, yet at peace.
Part of my journey towards preparation for the licentiate, with an incredible teacher – Emile de Rubaix, was to identify when I was moving back into strife while playing. To know when and how I needed to let go and allow flow. To let go of perfection and achievement and instead enable connection with a sense of authenticity and responsibility in how I practice & play – as best I can, with acceptance and commitment.
As the window of opportunity closed and Trinity College of Music kept relaying their stance of waiting, with the rest of the world, the peace inside me grew. I still held on to the prospects of somehow doing my licentiate.
In 2020 I started my journey with SACAP (South African College of Applied Psychology) to complete a 2-year post-graduate diploma in coaching in line with the development paths of the ICF (International Coaches Federation). In the modules, we learned about coaching psychology, coaching techniques, adult learning, ethics, and a whole lot of practice. Early on in the program when our first lecturer, asked us to check out on what we are learning about ourselves as emerging coaches, I said: “It feels like I have finally come home.”
It was in one of these classes in an intensive residential – all online, that I realised that my experience of that connection and flow I was seeking, and only experienced occasionally in music, was present for me in coaching. It dawned on me that the impact I can make in the world with coaching exceeds what is possible for me with playing violin and that the effort it takes me to play reasonably okay, versus what is emerging naturally with coaching made the choice obvious. I decided to let the violin go.
The more we discovered together about coaching, the more of what merged since childhood, came back to me. It was a powerful and emotional rediscovery. I felt like I was stepping into something significant, a sense of being called into excellence-of-being. In one of the modules, we were led to create our own coaching model. The process led to deep reflection about who we are, what our skills are, what we know about coaching, and what resonates with us.
In this process, I learned, while creating my own coaching model (see the GERMINATE coaching model), that coaching IS a part of who I am, and who I have always been. When I stand in the coaching stance, it is most aligned with who I want to be. I knew this would become the best version of myself. That it is a way of being – not something that is done, switched on, and off.
As part of the SACAP diploma, we are assigned to a senior Coach to mentor and review our performance throughout the program. In one of the feedback sessions, a mentor noted a shift in my coaching and invited me to reflect on David Whyte’s Finistere.
A new way of being was emerging. It will always emerge and grow. The process of undergoing the reviews, learning about what coaching means for me, was like a pilgrimage. I knew that I was standing at the shore, leaving behind what was in my hands, in my bag.
What I realized is that my most authentic self and the best integration of all my skills, hopes, and purpose come together when in the coaching space. The challenge to remain in this space, and to grow into what this means in my Everyday has been a joyful challenge. Day to day, this serves as a reminder of the privilege of stepping into the coaching space, holding the space with others, and working with their hopes, dreams, and outcomes.
To Lizette, everyone that ever journeyed over coffee with me by your side in those early years, by invitation; to all my lecturers, fellow classmates, colleagues at work, and my incredibly supportive husband, Markus; thank you for helping me find my way so that I can show up in THIS time.
Now, it gives me the greatest joy to invite you to journey with me on your coaching journey.
Please see below a home made recording of one of my practice runs for an online concert I did while in COVID (senza piano of course). And also see my Graduation Post-grad diploma completed! My wish for you is to seek and find your purpose, to graciously, gratefully and gently let go of the things that you no longer need, and that lead you to here. They will always be a part of us, and they can take different forms if we let them.
It is perhaps poetic that the piece I played here draws from the thematic material of Funeral Marches, or Death – Dies Irae. It is explained in my concert notes for those who are curious about it. It is almost as if the end was already always in the beginning of my decision to do the licentiate, and that still gives me peace!
